You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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