Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
