omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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