since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
