A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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