he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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