She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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