So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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