Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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