I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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