apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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