I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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