I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hippo gnu deer
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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