wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
