I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
