Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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