Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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