I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
