I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
