also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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