So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
