Moan for me like Helen Keller
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
