Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize