It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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