is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
