You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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