i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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