There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
