Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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