Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
