Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
