its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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