ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
