i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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