Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
