The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
