Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize