I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
