oh god the rape fog is back!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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