while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
