im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
