so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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