Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
