she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
