I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
