Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
