Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
