He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
