where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
