I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
