You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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