I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
