he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
