Me. At least after what I've been through.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
