just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
false alarm, still single
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