I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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