You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
