you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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