So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
