Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
