Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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