I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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