I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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