Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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