I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
