Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
