i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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